does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
