you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
