I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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