Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize