would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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