Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
