Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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