I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
