At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
