i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
