i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
