I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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