It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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