don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
