did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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