Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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