hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
