Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
