This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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