The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
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