oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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