I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize