What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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