perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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