Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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