I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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