What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
