She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
