Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize