shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
