I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
