That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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