he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
