I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
