and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
