one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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