last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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