I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
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