My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
