Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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