Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
