You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
it's great music for shaving your balls
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
