I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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