I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
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