im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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