so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
