I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
