Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
