Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
