your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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