my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
