He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i love accidental penises.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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