I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
