i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
