Just fell off a train. Bad.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just tell him i said nine months
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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