I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
