Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
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