Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
