Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
