Umm I'm too high to move.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
