like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
