Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
