i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
