how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
