Only a mothe r could love this liver
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
