the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
pop tarts are not kleenex
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
